We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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