When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
