Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
