sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
