So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize