She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We left the knife in your bed.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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