the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
