why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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