im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
