Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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