Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
