You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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