The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
