I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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