i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i think i have herpe
just one?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
