He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
