I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
