I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
