Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
