so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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