dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
