Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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