I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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