I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
