Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
