I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
