My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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