Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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