I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
