when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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