i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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