I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
