3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
