Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
