I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
