if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
