You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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