dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
