I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
