At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
