now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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