Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
