My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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