dude i'm inner monologue high
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
