Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
