that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
