just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
