His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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