On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Boobs speak an international language.
We have started to decorate penises.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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