everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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