I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
