his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
