I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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