y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
