I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
