very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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