just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
