My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize