I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
