Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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