remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
