i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
