i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
