he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
