i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
