i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
