it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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