in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
