oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
