So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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