ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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