Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
