I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
