so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
