my vag is so smooth its legendary
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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