I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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