You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
