I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
