whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
