I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
