i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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