And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
