Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
