I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
