My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
