Where is the hickey?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize