I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
