peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
