If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
