Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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