My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
