i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
