Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Can you bring me the toilet please
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
