Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
