my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize