the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
