I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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