I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize