If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
