So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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