Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
