I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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